SOCIAL DANCERS NEED TO KEEP THINGS IN PERSPECTIVE - THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS BEING PERFECT, OR EXPECTING IT FROM YOUR PARTNER. Should you decide to foray into the social dancing scene, you will indeed meet many dancers who are there just to have fun and enjoy the overall experience, which is why we all dance socially. Unfortunately, there may be times when you will encounter a few leaders and follows that take this pastime a bit too seriously, although they may not be dance sport or competitive ballroom dancers, they have that mindset, with these individuals their focus is not on trying to have fun or to develop a dance connection, rather their focus is on execution and technique, and they expect all of their partners to be technically sound, sometimes even perfect (GASP!). Buzzkills can ruin your social dance experience. Everyone dances differently when it comes to social dancing, some have not taken any dance lessons, others may not be in dance shape. Usually, those that are new to dancing lack balance control and cannot spin, or do not like to be spun. A few may not know the basic steps, and will bump into you, even stepping on your feet. Some may hit you on your forehead or jaw with their elbows as they spin. In fact, most dancers are not familiar with all of the dancing styles that are out there. The point of this is that you will not find compatibility, or even safety at times, with everyone that you dance with at a club (nor should you expect it), in fact, you may find that these experiences are quite common whenever you dance with someone else for the first time. THE KEY TO SOCIAL DANCING: When dancing with strangers, the leader should first get a sense as to what the other person can, or cannot do, this is referred to as 'dance calibration'. One can usually ascertain this after doing a few basic dance movements with his partner. Once he has an idea of his partner's skill set, the leader should then modify and adapt his leads in order to develop a connection, and make it a safe, memorable, and enjoyable dancing experience for his partner. Unfortunately, some experienced leaders will use complex and even esoteric leads on beginning follows who understandably have no clue what the leader wants her to do. On the flip side of it, some advanced lady dancers will refuse to follow a lead if her leader is not clear, or 'good' enough for her, in fact, some ladies will even stop dancing if she feels confused. You really can't blame new leaders when they fail to connect with other dancers because when you take a dance class, most if not all dance instructors will only teach moves, steps and patterns, they do not teach leaders how to adapt when dancing with other dancers, unfortunately this aspect of the dance is only acquired through social dancing experiences. As you may have gleaned, social dancing is not about what you as a leader or follow can do, how good you may be, or how many classes you may have taken, instead, social dancing is about engagement, and getting others to feel comfortable when dancing with you. For those that give you a hard time or expect perfection, the best course of conduct is to find more receptive, patient, and accommodating dancers instead. Dancing for most of us is only a hobby and past time activity, so if it isn't fun then why even dance? Social dancing is not about execution of steps or patterns, rather the GREATEST GIFT one gets from social dancing is when whoever it is that you are dancing with is TRULY enjoying the experience (they usually smile when they are enjoying themselves by the way). This is when social dancing becomes fun and addicting! SOUND FAMILIAR? SOCIAL DANCING SITUATIONS THAT SOME NEW AND EXPERIENCED DANCERS MAY ENCOUNTER 1. You are relatively new to dancing and are trying your best to dance, however the lady that you are dancing with cuts you no slack, the vibe you feel is not positive as she doesn't smile and is constantly watching how other couples are dancing instead... Sound familiar? Do you walk off the dance floor?.. Grin and bear it? I don't think there is really an answer to this, but I wouldn't fault any new leader from avoiding these types of dancers and finding more sociable and accommodating follows to dance with instead, after all, everyone has to start at some point and many mistakes will be made along the way. Lady dancers that expect a certain level of expertise from the get-go, or who will only dance with the advanced dancers will soon find that as the new leaders gain experience and become better over time, they do not forget those who gave them a hard time when they were first learning how to dance. So for all the new leaders that experience the bulk of the rejections, learn to accept it as growing pains and take it with a grain of salt. The main thing is that you remain focused and not let anyone derail you from reaching your goals. Eventually, you will get there so long as you don't give up or quit. 2. Lets say that you are not serious about dancing and you just want to have some fun with your friends for an evening.... you may have taken a couple of dance lessons in the past but you never really pursued it. At an outing a stranger asks you for a dance and he immediately begins to comment about your dancing skills and suggests what you need to do in order to dance "the right way." He also starts counting the steps out loud (for example 1,2 cha cha cha) with hopes that you will follow how he dances. Later that evening, you dance with another leader who does not make any comments and does not say anything, but modifies how he dances, so both of you enjoy sharing a dance together. Which dancer would you look forward to dancing with again? Note to file: Some dancers just don't "get it", as they don't understand that social dancing is really about adapting to what your partner can do. 3. You dance with a stranger and she misses a lead, do you think it didn't work because she lacked the recognition skill, or does it ever cross your mind that your lead wasn't as good as it should have been? Note to file: The way I see it, leads that don't work out is 100% the 'fault' of the leader as either his leads are not clear enough, or if it is clear, then he should not have used it because his follow's skill set should have put him on notice that she would not be able to recognize and execute the lead. Some leads are too complex, others are esoteric, use basic core leads to start with and progress from there depending upon the skill set of your various partners. The goal of social dancing is to make it fun for the other person, not to frustrate and inundate them with movements that they cannot follow. 4. You have taken dance lessons for over six months, and you now have the courage to venture out to a dance club. You ask four ladies to dance and they dance with you once, but thereafter all of them repeatedly decline your invitations for other dances. Is it time to walk away from dancing? Some do out of frustration, but for others who are more determined they take the rejections as a wake up call towards becoming better leaders. These individuals will dedicate more time towards working on fine tuning their techniques in order to communicate clearer leads. NOTE: For many leaders, it will take them more than a year before they will be able to dance with complete strangers (unless they are natural and musically inclined dancers). Learning to dance does take determination and dedication, unfortunately taking lessons alone is not going to be enough. You will need to practice at home by yourself first, then if you can, with a partner in order to fine-tune your technique and leading skills. All of your efforts towards learning how to dance eventually becomes evident when you ask people to dance and they are eager and willing to dance with you after having danced with you once before. 5. WHAT EVERY LEADER SHOULD KNOW: Ladies enjoy dancing with leaders that make the dance fun for them, and who can dance within their comfort level, naturally with their safety in mind. 6. WHAT ARE THE JOYS AND BENEFITS OF SOCIAL DANCING: Being able to dance with strangers. To dance with those that are new to dancing as well those that are experienced, and to see all of them smile while you share a dance together. Being able to go to foreign countries and dance with different nationalities as if you have danced with them many times before. To make everlasting friendships along the way because everyone you meet speaks and enjoys sharing the universal language of the dance with you. The key to becoming an effective social dancer one must learn to 'connect and engage' with your partners, and it is only through adaption that you will be able to accomplish this. Adept social leaders and follows know how to make all of their dance partners feel amazing and enjoy themselves no matter what their skill level may be. Social dancing is a dialogue, it is not a lecture or a monologue and most definitely it is not about trying to force a square peg into a round hole. Unfortunately, you probably won't find any dance instructor that will teach their students how to adapt when dancing with others, instead, they all teach prescribed steps and patterns. It, therefore, follows quite naturally that most dancers who have taken lessons but are not exposed to social dancing operate under the belief that everyone must dance a certain way, and unfortunately therein lies the fiction. Believe it or not but what one learns from beginning/intermediate lessons is only the starting point and the means to the end when one learns to dance, it is by no means, nor was it ever meant to be the end result. In the words of West Coast swing guru Skippy Blair, "The only problem that exists in the swing is when someone decides there is only one way to dance it. There is NEVER ONLY ONE WAY TO DO ANYTHING...." (emphasis supplied). An internationally known Argentine tango instructor here in town told his students that men like to "fix things" to be right, but when it comes to dancing they need to get rid of that attitude. What he meant is that all dancers should learn to make the best of any situation, bearing in mind that not everyone in a dance club knows how to dance, or may not follow an intended lead. In the real world of social dancing standardization doesn't function because each partner is different", See: http://socialdance.stanford.edu/syllabi/ballroom.html). The key to successful social dancing is to be able to SHARE a dance with everyone that you dance with no matter what their skill set may be. Naturally, knowledge, skill, technical ability, and talent are appreciated but it is DEFINITELY NOT everything as many if not all of the experienced dancers will attest to. Both men and women look forward to dancing with the consummate social dancers as they are fun and thoroughly enjoyable to dance with. These dancers are in fact the true ambassadors of social dancing and if you should ever stop to notice, their dance cards are full for the evening. Ladies will even approach the popular social leaders for dances, while the popular follows are always on the dance floor with a variety of capable leaders. Popular dancers rarely have a chance to sit down. How to "engage and connect" with your dance partners http://www.danceplace.com/grapevine/a-guide-to-engaging-with-your-partner/ Some salient TIPS from experienced lady dancers to beginning lady dancers (if you want to be popular) 1. Whether the Lead is a beginner or advanced, do your best to follow what the Lead gives you during the dance. If the Lead is doing moves you are unable to do, then say with a smile, "I'm more of a beginner," and he should realize that he needs to adapt accordingly. When you are dancing with a stronger leader, and whenever in doubt as to what your leader is doing, continue to do your basic steps and never stop dancing, or moving your feet. Also, follow the lead that you feel, and do not try to guess or move contrary to the lead. 2. Avoid leaning, clinging or hanging onto to your Lead as it restricts his movements. Keep relaxed shoulders and arms but present a frame in closed position. Rest your hand on top (not behind) of the Lead's shoulder in order to feel the Lead's frame. If there is too much tension in your arms you will pull your leader off of his axis or balance. Make it a policy to hold the Lead's hand or fingers with flexibility, not being too stiff or too strong with your connection, the key is to maintain the connection. If you dance with a stronger leader pay close attention to your hand connection and maintain it during the dance, letting it slip can be unsettling for leaders. Know when to give the tone in your arms and when to relax them. 3. Your role as a Follower is to follow what the Lead offers you. Being able to follow a weaker leader is also a mark of a good dancer. As long as there is no safety issue try your best, smile, and enjoy what you can, in fact, you will not find dance compatibility with everyone that you dance with. 4. For Ladies - Declining dances is your prerogative but there are consequences. If you decline to dance with a leader because they are new to dancing, or are not up to your level then if they should become better dancers one day do not be surprised if you are not on any of their dance lists. You may not remember them, but they will definitely remember who you are. Ladies that are picky and who will only dance with the better dancers eventually end up getting fewer dances in the long run as the up and coming leaders will have learned during their journeys which ladies to avoid when asking for dances. 5. Refrain from back leads. Back leading is when the Follow over-powers a Lead’s lead for any duration, basically, she is dancing by herself. This is a common occurrence when more experienced Follows dance with inexperienced Leads and the lady says to herself, “I’ll show him how to do it.”). Keep in mind the roles in social dance. Sometimes we have to make sacrifices and be more understanding when dancing with others who are less skilled. When one is social dancing she should not expect dance proficiency from every dancer. In fact, it is extremely rare to find a social dancer who is proficient with all of the dance styles. 6. Whether you are in a class or dancing REFRAIN from criticizing or critiquing your Lead's dancing or blame for a misstep, some men see it as belittling, for others, you are destroying their confidence. Most men don't care for dancing, so for those that do decide to test the waters, they feel exposed and are quite vulnerable when first learning to dance, accordingly, how others treat them has a big impact as to whether they will continue or not with their journey. Be a grumbler or complain about how men are dancing and soon you'll see all of them turn the other way the next time you are at a dance. Men and women go to clubs to dance, not to be told by strangers that what they are doing is inadequate or wrong. If things go wrong in the dance, mums the word and keep going (unless there is a safety issue). The single biggest secret to success in social dancing, or any kind of partner dancing for that matter, is to make your partner feel appreciated and as comfortable as much as possible, do that and you'll get more dance invitations, this applies to both men and women (but only if you want others to dance with you). 7. Let the men lead and determine the dance style. Some ladies will tell their leader, "Oh this is not a cha cha, you need to be doing the west coast swing with me". Being familiar with both style of dances, they are for the most part pretty much interchangeable by the way (likewise with the bachata and the hustle). Not all men know all of the dance styles that are out there, let alone the more complex west coast swing, so let the leader determine how he wishes to dance as it may be the only dance style that he knows. I think it is a fair statement to say that ladies that tell men how they should be dancing will generally be avoided by most if not all leaders. Some may still dance with them if asked, but if they do, they do so reluctantly and not enthusiastically. Social or club dancing is about being flexible, versatile, and accomodating, this takes having a positive attitude and an open mind. "At no time should the girl criticize the man's dancing — unless she prefers dancing without a partner." — Richard Kraus, Columbia University, 1965. [Editorial comment....it work both ways] 8. Most ladies don't ask men for dances but if you decide to ask someone be sure that it is a dance that he knows, or you can ask him beforehand if he does a certain type of dance. You should also be aware that not all men will dance even if asked. 9. If you sweat a lot, wear clothing that breathes (some men will bring a couple of shirts and change it during the night). Take breaks if you are soaking wet with perspiration. If you are a follow and sweat a lot, you can still wear shoulder-less tops but at least bring a dance towel to wipe yourself down. No one likes to feel or touch another dancer's shirt, blouse or skin if it is soaking wet with perspiration. |
